Time

Happy Friday, friends!

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I am currently somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean. It’s sunny outside and the clouds make me crave cotton candy (maybe it’s just my prego hormones?). Rickey is sitting next to me watching a movie. Ay, I see Gerard Butler is in it. If there is one actor I really like, it’s him. The soothing sound of the turbines makes me slightly sleepy. 

Anyway. 

We are on our way from Copenhagen to Washington with a solid one and a half hour delay, which will make it tough for us to catch our flight to San Diego. If you’ve read my last post, you know that my journey to Germany wasn’t the most ideal one either. 

As I sit here in my comfy seat with extra leg room (one plus here today), I can’t help but think about “time“. 

I left my now-home San Diego at the end of May to spend quality time with my family in Germany. No matter which way I go - California or northern Germany -  I am excited. And that is a good thing. It’s and expat thing, I believe. Heart in more than one place and such. I am lucky to call San Diego my home, where I have chosen to create my life with my loving husband and two dogs that drive me nuts all too often but that I wouldn’t trade for the world - and soon, little baby Bell. I am living a life I never thought I’d be living only two and a half years ago. Two and a half years; so much has happened within this time frame. So many things seem like they just happened yesterday but on the other hand, I feel so established and settled. 

Time, specifically its perception, is a weird thing. 

Whenever I travel back home, it’s as if nothing has changed, as if time has stopped the few months that I was living and creating my life in San Diego. I come home and things are as always, in a very positive way. I love that. However, this also makes me realized how rapidly my life has changed and how much I have been moving forward in many respects. But whenever I come home, there’s always a piece of me, deep down inside, that will probably never change. Old memories are more present. I love getting pampered and just hanging out at home, being the somewhat “little Julia“ again. 

It’s always so bitter-sweet when the time - like today - comes that I have to go back home. My stomach turns. But my husband is by my side. And then I get excited to travel back to “our“ life in sunny San Diego (probably still June gloom happening, but summer is fast approaching). We live where other people vacation or generally dream of going. I am following a path that has somewhat always been a dream and at some point, slowly but surely (actually pretty quickly and unexpectedly) turned into reality. 

All too often, I have to remind myself of how lucky I am, despite the fact that I just cannot have everything - and that is my family in the same city. 

It’s the price I pay for living in the U.S. as a German expat. But I can also say that my family has never been more present in my/our life than now. Every visit home is special. Yet, this also means that time is limited and goes by fast - when you’re having fun, they say - and we all know that all good things come to an end. 

Last night, I was hit by the saddening feeling of not having had enough time for everyone in my family while home. I don’t even know why, but guilt overcame me for a moment. I know they don’t see it like I do, but since time has become even more valuable when living thousands and thousands of miles away, on the other side of an ocean and then all the way on the other side of the U.S., then I really want to make the most of my precious days at home. 

Nevertheless, after the visit is before another trip back home. Hopefully sometime next spring. Crazy to think that by that time, we will be traveling with our son or daughter…Oh, how time is running by so fast. As much as I want to freeze the moment all too often, I am utterly excited for this next chapter. And time will keep ticking. No matter what life situation(s) we’re in, we will perceive time as going by fast or very slowly.

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